Do My Glasses Make Me Look Older?

I know it’s been a while now since I posted anything. To be honest, I have not had any time to sit and read through blogs, much less post my own thoughts. After my return from Los Angeles, I got really busy as I returned to my final semester of nursing school the following Monday.

Going to Los Angeles is always a bitter/sweet trip for me. It’s great because I get to see my family and hang out with wonderful friends I have known for many years, but sad because I know my time is limited and it will soon end. This last trip was a bit more on the sad side because I went to attend the funeral of my dear friend Tomas’ father. Although I knew his father for many years, my main reason for going was to support Tomas. He has been through so much in the last few months and I thought my presence would make this sad week and bit more tolerable. I was right, Tomas repeatedly told me how much it meant to him that I went out and how much he appreciated me being there.

Hanging out with my mother, grandmother, Wendy, and Raffi was a much-needed escape. It was great to have two of my closest friends share a pitcher of sangria with my mother and her new bo. I sat there watching all of us talk and share memories of the past and it amazed me that my friends were drinking with my mother. It really made me feel like a “grown-up.” Kind of like the time my father and I went to happy hour at Casa Escobar during last years visit. We were joined by one of my fathers oldest friends, a guy I grew up with and always considered a part of the family. We shared margaritas and talked about the old days. I had flashbacks to when I was just a kid watching the adults having a drink while preparing the carne asada. Now, here I was, one of the adults also, having a drink while my nephew watched us. I thought “wow, someday little Erick and I will be having a drink together talking about the time grandpa and uncle Walter took him out for dinner.” Hopefully dad will still be around for that encounter.

For so many years I have managed to convince myself that life outside of Los Angeles is what I want. After all, every time I go there I get annoyed, usually by the third day over the traffic, outrages gas prices, and having to pay sales tax on clothing items (in NJ we don’t pay sales tax on clothing). But the last few trips have been different for me. I have returned to NJ wanting more than ever to be in Los Angeles again. Perhaps it’s because I am getting older and I think about my parents, grandparents and brothers also getting older, or because every time I go out I have to be re-introduced to my nephew and niece who don’t recognize me, or maybe I just lone to be with the friends I have managed to keep for many years. Perhaps it’s because I have not managed to make deep connections with friends out here or because the older I get the more I hate the cold. I do not want to return to Los Angeles as I did when I returned from Colorado; broke, jobless, and without any kind of future. I want those around me to think I made something of myself, that I did something good while I was away, like getting a higher education. In May I will graduate from nursing school and perhaps then I will feel comfortable returning to the City of Angels, with a good career and a wonderful husband by my side.